The past couple of weeks have been chaotic to say the least. On March 11, M and I were headed to his aunt's (him mom's sister) 70th birthday party and stopped to see if his mom wanted to ride with us. When we got to their house she said she wasn't going because dad was sick, and she didn't want to leave him. He was in bed and had a terrible chest congestion. She had tried to get him in to the doctor, but they couldn't fit him in. She was pretty sure she'd have to take him to the ER in the morning which she did, and he was admitted to our local hospital, thinking they'd just keep him overnight. We were busy with calving and thought we'd head in later in the day so see how he was doing. Late that afternoon I got a call from C's wife who said we needed to get to Scobey....now! M was at the barn where there is no cell service so I called R's house and got Kade and had to explain that it was very important that he run to the barn and tell M to come home. He doesn't really know how to hurry so I headed that direction thinking that I could possibly drive the two miles faster than he could get across the yard to the barn, but he must have hurried because right after I started out, M called to see what was going on.
We were about halfway to Scobey when M's mom called to see where we were and tell us that they had intubated him and the ambulance plane was on its way to take him to Billings. When we arrived they had him sedated and were manually bagging him to help him breathe. If he would have stayed there he would have died, and they weren't really confident that he'd make it to Billings. It was decided that M would fly with him and C and J would drive Mom to Billings and his sister and her husband were on their way from Rapid City. We scrambled to throw together some clothes, etc and everyone headed to Billings about 7:30 pm. I knew one of my best friends was in Billings for the weekend so I called her and she met M at the hospital and sat with him until the rest of the family arrived. She used to work at the nursing home in Scobey when M's dad had been there besides being one of our closest neighbors. She's such an angel and she and Phil had a special bond.
He was holding his own through the weekend while on a ventilator and being pumped full of antibiotics. He had a pneumonia and influenza. We think he probably picked it up when he was in Billings earlier in the week for a dermatology procedure. M and C and their sister's husband headed home on Monday to take care of some business and do some work while Mom and their sister stayed in Billings. M requested that they give him a day's notice of when they were planning to take the vent out, but that didn't happen, and he got a call on Thursday (March 17) that they were taking it out that morning. They had been weaning him off the oxygen, and he was breathing on his own and his white count was down and the vent was mostly for drainage of his lung. They had to determine if he could maintain without the vent because if they left it too long he would be dependent on it. So, again, M and C made a flying trip to Billings and their sister's husband came back on Friday. It wasn't long before they determined that his lung was filling up again and his white count took off. He just was not strong enough to fight the infection on his own so it was just a matter of time before he succumbed. M and C had gone to the motel to get some rest on Friday night, but their mom would not leave his side. M woke up about 1:30 am and not ten minutes later he got the call from his sister that their dad had passed.
He wasn't very alert most of that time and couldn't communicate except with his eyes and by grabbing their hands. I was disappointed that I couldn't be there to see him and to be there for the family, but R and I were holding down the fort here with the calving.
Of course, we had some cold, windy weather while M was gone so we had to be vigilant. R usually stays up until midnight and does 2 am and 4 am checks and then M checks at 6 and starts feeding so R can get some sleep. With M gone, I did the 6 am check and helped R with tagging, etc.
Everyone was back home by Saturday afternoon, March 19, and then we had to start planning the funeral. We had a whirlwind day on Monday, and poor L was over making decisions by the end of it. She deferred a lot of it to her kids but had a few things she felt strongly about. I felt like I was being pushy trying to keep everyone on track to get it done, but we got through it. We've been in town every day besides keeping up with the calving.
We had a family supper at the church (where there was room for everyone) and then went to the funeral home to view the body. Some of us had already been there the day before. He looked so good, like he would wake with a little nudge which I did many times when I went to their house for lunch. There was a nice display of memorabilia with his hats and overalls and picture boards as well as some of the memorial flowers and plants. M made sure that his dad had his cell phone in his jacket pocket so he'd always have it. He had quite the knack for calling at the absolute worst time and made his rounds calling each of his sons and grandsons, if not daily then several times a week. R said sometimes he'd call him three times in a day--in the morning to see what he had planned for the day, in the middle of the day to see if he was doing what he had planned, and in the evening to see what he had gotten done. His interest in the farm never waned.
The funeral was Thursday afternoon, March 24, with the grandsons and step-grandsons as pallbearers. We were disappointed that Jared was out of town because we really wanted him as one as well. We played Paul Harvey's "So God Made a Farmer" and Pam's husband, Ray, read some scripture. I sang "There'll Be Peace In the Valley For Me". I and everyone else was surprised that I could do it. I got my tears out earlier in the week while practicing and prayed for strength to honor Phil and God. I told people that I wasn't sure I could do it, but it was worth a shot because he would have been happy that I did. We also played Glen Campbell singing
Come Harvest Time (click here to listen) which was a beautiful and perfect song. Ray put together a slide show with music that Pam and I picked out and that was shown at the supper the night before and at the reception after the funeral service. L said many people told her it was a lovely service and she gave her kids and their spouses the credit. We wanted to make it personal.
There was an honor guard at the cemetery to honor Phil as a vet who served in Korea, and the family decided that M as the firstborn should have the flag. It was kind of a gray day and as the ceremony at the cemetery was ending the wind came up and some raindrops fell. M was pretty sure that his dad would be happy to have some raindrops on his coffin. I always hate leaving the cemetery and seeing the coffin sitting all alone. That image gets me every time I go to a funeral. All Pam could think of was that he would be cold, and he hated to be cold.
It seemed like the longest week ever because we were in town every day for 10 days straight. Pam and her family stayed through Easter so we were visiting at least every evening.
I have some lasting memories of Phil. M and I were married in the drought years of the 1980's. I will always remember Phil standing in his yard cursing at the sky when it would cloud up but never rain. At the time I thought he was a crazy man, now I understand his passion. He was color blind so couldn't see the wheat when it was just starting to come up so every spring would find him in a field on his hands and knees digging in a furrow to find the first sprout. I remember before we had kids of our own and I would see him tease someone I'd say to M that he couldn't tease our kids like that. Well, of course he did, and they took it just fine. I think of the times J would sleep over at their house and Phil would cuddle with him all night long. Or the hours watching "Walker, Texas Ranger" with R who would always fall asleep and miss the end so grandpa would make up some wild tale of how the episode ended.
It will be strange to be at their house without a news channel on the TV 24/7 and without a newspaper in "Philological" order.
Phil was still the go-to guy for so many questions. I'm wondering how many times I'll hear "I need to ask Dad" in the next few weeks or months. I remember that feeling after losing my own dad. L has a strong faith and in typical Mom/Grandma fashion tried to console others. She understands that he was suffering and was ready to go. He had been in and out of the nursing home in the past few years so she is not completely unfamiliar with being home alone.
It's been an exhausting few weeks--emotionally and physically. I keep thinking we'll get rested up, but it hasn't quite happened yet. We've been having 15 calves a day and with the nice weather we're having, J is chomping at the bit to get into the field so M will be stretched even that much farther. He really needs some downtime to just rest and get used to the new normal. It's so exhausting to say goodbye. I hope he says hello to my dad.
